![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyshadowdrakevia http://ift.tt/2ixjoaU:
wpsstories:
writing-prompt-s:
You always thought your Facebook friend egregiously misused the word “literally”. Turns out his life is just really weird.
My friend Steve is literally literal.
When he says of a chocolate profiterole
this is the literal be and end all
he literally means a doughy chocolate ball
is the last and only bite he’ll ever take.
So he has to be careful with cake
and videos of cats in mittens
because if he says of some sporting kittens
“I am literally dying of cute”
he’ll figuratively kick the bucket with a figurative, pink and flowery boot.
Some say he saw Satan and made a rotten deal;
some say he’s a one track mind that can’t repeal;
others, and it is likely, say
a grammar fairy on a badder day
passed Steve by and heard him say
“Those poor liberals, my heart literally bleeds”,
and cursed him so that his “literally’s” would be met with deeds
(and now his doctors say his heart can do no more
than keep him metres from death’s door).
So if my friend Steve says “I am literally pissing myself from laughter”
you’re gonna have to get a towel for after.
When he says “I am literally dumb”
he sits, annoyed, and chews his thumb.
And when he makes that sin of sins,
where every pedant’s ire begins
and says aloud “I literally can’t even”
all expression fades on the face of Steven.
His hands go numb and his heart beat stops
and his little head nods forth and flops.
Then when we’ve applied the a.e.d.
he comes back, very gradually,
and looks at us with eyes all wide
to say, “Oh God! I literally died.”
(Your picture was not posted)
wpsstories:
writing-prompt-s:
You always thought your Facebook friend egregiously misused the word “literally”. Turns out his life is just really weird.
My friend Steve is literally literal.
When he says of a chocolate profiterole
this is the literal be and end all
he literally means a doughy chocolate ball
is the last and only bite he’ll ever take.
So he has to be careful with cake
and videos of cats in mittens
because if he says of some sporting kittens
“I am literally dying of cute”
he’ll figuratively kick the bucket with a figurative, pink and flowery boot.
Some say he saw Satan and made a rotten deal;
some say he’s a one track mind that can’t repeal;
others, and it is likely, say
a grammar fairy on a badder day
passed Steve by and heard him say
“Those poor liberals, my heart literally bleeds”,
and cursed him so that his “literally’s” would be met with deeds
(and now his doctors say his heart can do no more
than keep him metres from death’s door).
So if my friend Steve says “I am literally pissing myself from laughter”
you’re gonna have to get a towel for after.
When he says “I am literally dumb”
he sits, annoyed, and chews his thumb.
And when he makes that sin of sins,
where every pedant’s ire begins
and says aloud “I literally can’t even”
all expression fades on the face of Steven.
His hands go numb and his heart beat stops
and his little head nods forth and flops.
Then when we’ve applied the a.e.d.
he comes back, very gradually,
and looks at us with eyes all wide
to say, “Oh God! I literally died.”
(Your picture was not posted)
