someone turn this into a fic, i’ll pay you with my endless love
Steve accidentally sends the dick pic, then gets called to the boss’s office. Wonder how that will go?
“If I’d known he was the boss I wouldn’t have done it!” Steve was aware that his tone was rapidly leaving “hushed whisper” in the dust and careening straight into the territory of “frantic wail” but it was either shatter Bucky’s eardrums or die right there in his cubicle of a heart attack.
“Done what?” Bucky’s voice was a raspy growl in his ear, made even rougher by exasperation. Bucky had gotten home just as Steve was leaving for the office, which means he’d had about fifteen minutes of sleep before Steve called him.
Six times. In a row. Look, if Steve couldn’t demand his best friend’s attention as his life was about to go down in flames - humiliating flames - then what was even the point of having a best friend? If Bucky wanted a good night’s sleep he should have been friends with someone less socially awkward.
Steve risked straightening up, peeking over the top of his cubicle. The boss was still standing up at the head of the department, talking to Steve’s manager. Phil was rolling his eyes, but he was smiling as he did it, so the boss dropping by couldn’t have been too apocalyptic. “Remember that guy I told you about? From last night? He gave me his number?”
“Um.” Bucky grunted a little. “Ah. The guy with the great ass?”
Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. “That’s all you retained?”
“Steve, I swear to god, if you aren’t literally about to die-”
“I sent him a picture,” Steve said. “Of me.”
“So?” Bucky heaved a heavy sigh and Steve could hear the sound of his box springs creaking as Bucky apparently gave up on going back to sleep. “So you sent him a selfie. Big deal. You’re not a teenager on the web and he already knew what you looked like anyway.”
“It wasn’t a picture of my face,” Steve hissed.
There’s a long blank moment of silence and then a burst of laughter that would have done a Disney villain proud. Steve ground his teeth for a long minute as Bucky gasped for breath only to start himself off again.
“Oh my - oh my god.” Bucky dragged in a ragged breath and ruined it by cackling again. “You sent - Steve Rogers sent a stranger a dick pic!” He blew air out in a heavy puff. “Oh, god, Stevie, this is the best thing you’ve ever done for me. Look, I gotta go, I gotta call Tasha.”
“Bucky!” Steve snapped, then immediately lowered his voice. “Bucky, the guy from last night is my boss!”
“Wait, you mean-”
“The guy who just bought the studio and saved us all from unemployment. The guy who pays my salary, which we need to make rent. That guy.”
Bucky huffed. “Well, it’s not like it was unsolicited. Maybe he’ll give you a raise.”
“I am not going to seduce the new owner for money!”
The other side of the phone dissolved into laughter again.
“I hate you,” Steve said, and hung up.
“Am I interrupting?”
Steve jumped half a foot in the air and stumbled back into the wall of the cubicle. “Holy-”
The new owner - Steve’s new boss - was standing just outside the cubicle. He had one arm draped over the top of the wall, hip cocked out a little, watching Steve flounder with a little grin that wrinkled the corners of his eyes.
He was just as fucking pretty this morning as he’d been last night and it was extremely unfair. He was wearing a charcoal suit with a vivid ruby-red button up shirt that clung to his chest in a way that left Steve feeling vaguely jealous of a piece of material. He was Steve’s height but slimmer in the shoulders and chest and Steve knew for a fact that his hands would fit perfectly over his hipbones.
“Sir. I mean- Um.” He flailed mentally (and a little bit physically as he tried to push away from the cubicle wall without shoving the whole thing over onto Kitty in the next cube) trying to remember what the hell the new owner’s name was. He’d known it yesterday, he was sure of that, before he’d realized that Tony-Something the new boss was also Tony-hot-ass-who-gave-Steve-his-number.
Oh god, don’t say that out loud, Rogers. Steve steadied himself and held his hands carefully at his side. “Sir,” he said finally, figuring that was as safe as it was going to get.
“Can we talk?” Tony tipped his head toward the conference room. “Just a minute or two, if you’re at a good stopping place?”
It was 9:24 in the morning and it was painfully obvious Steve had done jackshit since arriving in the office besides flip out over his incredibly poor decision making skills. “Sure,” he said. “Yeah, I can. Let’s go.”
He shot a look at Phil as he followed Tony across the hall but his boss just raised both hands in a helpless gesture. The smirk was killing the effect, though.
Phil’s sheer delight in Steve’s plight was still a better choice than turning his gaze forward and running the risk of staring at his new boss’s ass so Steve just narrowed his eyes and plotted how he’d pay Phil back for enjoying this so much.
Tony closed the conference room door behind them, assuring they couldn’t be overheard, at least, though the glass-walled room is not where Steve would have chosen to have this conversation. “So, look, I guess you know why I wanted us to talk?”
“Because I accidentally sent you a dick pic,” Steve blurted out and immediately dropped his head into his hands. Jesus, he’d just said “dick pic” to his new boss. He could feel his face turning red. He was going to look like a human tomato in about five seconds.
“Oh,” Tony said. There was a moment of silence, during which Steve refused to look up. “Ah. Well. That makes this awkward then, doesn’t it?”
“It wasn’t awkward before?” Steve asked, aware his voice sounded more than a little plaintive.
“I, ah.” There’s an awkward pause and Steve risked looking up. Tony was running a hand through his hair and the wicked curve of his smile had gone rueful. “I didn’t realize it was an accident. The picture. I thought it was meant for me.” He clapped his hands together in front of him. “But, hey. No harm no foul! I guess this simplifies our working relationship a little.”
Did he sound… disappointed?
Steve licked his lips and considered his options. Tony-Something had just given him an easy out from an awkward situation. But Tony-hot-ass-who-gave-Steve-his-number had been… a lot of fun. And the first person in a long, long time who made Steve want to take a chance on falling in love again.
Steve drew in a deep breath. “It was for you. Well-” He forced himself to meet Tony’s eyes. “Well, I mean. I didn’t know you were this Tony when we met last night. That part is totally awkward. But the rest of it was. Kind of nice.”
The smile on Tony’s face widened just a touch at the corners and god the man’s face was so expressive. Steve wanted to sketch him. And then see what other expressions he could make him have.
“So, obviously it’s a little weird that I’m your boss,” Tony said. “But there are ways around that, if you want to give this a shot? I already talked to Phil and warned him we knew each other. And I don’t handle the hiring and firing and promoting, actually, that’s HR and Phil, really. They don’t let me fire anyone except engineers.”
“I like the sound of that.” Steve said. “Well, not the firing. Or the part where Phil now thinks I’ve had sex with the owner. That sounds terrible. But I had fun last night. And-” He was blushing red again, he could feel it on his neck and chest. “I don’t just send pictures like that to anyone, you know.”
Tony smiled and his eyes were glittering with laughter. “I’ll text you. Maybe we can make dinner plans?”
“I’d like that.” Steve grinned past the blush. “I get off at 6, but you probably knew that.”
“You’ll get off a lot more often than that if I have my say,” Tony said with a toothy grin, then he was striding out of the conference room before the impact of his words really struck.
Steve sat there for another long minute, willing the blush to fade while several of his coworkers took turns staring at him through the glass walls.
When he finally finished fended off Phil’s long-winded lecture on workplace sexual harassment, complete with a lengthy and entirely too detailed description of what a “red light” touch was (Steve would appreciate the man’s concern, but he’d known Phil for more than ten years, since Afghanistan, and the man was enjoying all of this entirely too much) he made it back to his cubicle just in time for lunch.
He was supposed to be meeting Kitty in the lobby to take some of the interns out for curry, so he grabbed his phone and wallet out of his desk. He had a bunch of missed texts, mostly just Bucky mocking him, but he stopped dead in the middle of the hallway when he saw the most recent one.
It was from Tony, a close up shot. His shirt was unbuttoned and his pants undone. One hand was pressed flat against his stomach, the tips of his fingers just barely dipping under the waistband of what looked like silk boxers. Steve could see the trail of thick dark curls that trailed down his belly and suddenly curry was the last thing on his mind.
He tapped out a quick reply - “I’m not the only one who’ll be getting off at 6 today.” - then shut his phone off before he could embarrass himself and ran to meet the others.